The Random Friday Five!!!

February 3, 2017

It's Friday afternoon!! Yay! 

The weekend is upon us and I feel certain you know it is Super Bowl weekend and everyone in Atlanta is "rising up!" 

Seriously, I was in a department store last night buying more of my latest addiction (Clinique Smart serum), which I will tell you more about in another blog, and a woman whom I have never seen before in my life stopped me to ask if I thought it would be okay for her to purchase two Falcons purses, one large and one small, for Super Bowl day. 

As I myself love and adore all things handbags I naturally told her that of course she should buy two Falcons purses. 

Anyway, today I thought we'd do something a little different for the Random Friday Five. Instead of my usual five bizarrely random things that pop into my head, I'm going to share with you five reasons I really should just not leave my house. I am a danger to myself and others, you see. 

Now, mind you this all happened in one, just one, trip out to the grocery store. 

1. First let me explain (read: justify) that in my later thirties I have become something of a stocker-upper. What is that, you ask. Well, in my effort never to leave my home, (My books are here, and my laptop, and my coffee maker. Why would I ever want to leave?) I like to stock up on certain things so I have enough for a very long period of time. 

The things I stock up on range from chicken broth, to canned tomatoes, to laundry detergent, to all things paper products. I like to know that we have enough toilet paper, paper towels, and Tide to survive for a good long while. 

Now normally, each January I go to one of the big, huge wholesale kind of stores where they are very accustomed to people stocking up on things. I'd completed almost all of this year's paper product purchases save one item. Our local wholesale place doesn't carry the tampons I like. Well, I was in the grocery store the other day and they had my tampons deeply discounted. In fact if you bought 3 boxes you got an additional $5 off. 

So, I proceeded to load six boxes in my cart, enough for quite a while. Feeling very pleased I continued my shopping. However, when I was on the next aisle where I was slinging 3 things of my preferred scent of Tide (Mountain Spring makes my heart sing) in my cart I noticed another shopper of the male variety who took one look at me, took another look at my cart, and turned around and hightailed it out of there. 

Odd, I thought. Maybe he forgot something on another aisle. 

I continued shopping. But when I got to the register and loaded the plethora of tampons onto the belt the cashier grabbed my hand. "Sweetie, are you all right?"

"OH!" I awkwardly smiled. "I'm fine. I just only like to buy these once a year or so."

The poor bag boy who was bagging my groceries stared at me like I was going to bleed out nearby and he was going to have to clean it up. 

2. Just wait. It gets worse. 

This particular day I needed things from two different grocery stores. The tampon store was my first stop. 

I'd also picked up a small, chilled bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper because I'm addicted I tell you. I put it in the cup holder of our new car and headed to the next grocery store a little ways down the road.

You see where this is going, right?

I turned into the next parking lot and the Dr. Pepper careened everywhere, including all over my jeans. 

Brown liquid. Light jeans. I'm going to leave it at that. But, I'm going to remind you here that there are 6 boxes of tampons and three huge things of Tide in my car.

After I parked, I located the paper towels (see this is why I stock up on them) I keep in the car and cleaned it up and then tried futily to clean up my jeans. 

I only needed a few things at the other store so I went on with my wet jeans. Surely, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. 

3. Ever been anywhere that everyone looked at you really funny? Yeah. It's not fun. I tried to explain that it was Dr. Pepper. That only elicited more odd stares. 

4. Who cares? I thought. We just moved here. No one even knows me, really. Determined, I kept shopping. The cashier was pleasant and said nothing about my jeans. I wasn't buying anything in bulk here so it was all good until ...

5. The nice bag boy (who was actually an elderly gentleman so it feels weird to call him a bag boy) insisted on taking my groceries to my car for me. It's store policy. I begrudgingly agreed. So, I have this handy dandy key fob for my new SUV that will not only unlock the doors it will also pop the rear hatch. I opened the back and started helping this kind man load my groceries in around the six boxes of tampons and 3 bottles of Tide. 

His look of understanding concerned me.

I kept insisting that I just like to keep things like that on hand. He kept nodding his understanding while staring at me like I was surely insane. That's when it happened. I turned to grab another few bags and bumped the cart with my hip. The hip that was inside the jeans that held the pocket that had my keys in it. I somehow managed to bump just the right spot and the rear hatch door closed on the dude while he was loading my groceries in!!!!!! 

I wanted to melt into the concrete. Of course it didn't actually close on him, it stopped as soon as it encountered something - his bald head. 

I apologized profusely. He flung the rest of my bags in and backed away slowly probably terrified that I would run over him if he hung out there any longer. 

I drove home and explained everything that I'd done to my darling husband reminding him that he promised to love me forever. 

"I will love you forever, baby. Never have any doubt. I just might take over grocery shopping because I think it would be safer for our community." 

Funny, Mr. Neal. Very, very funny. 

So, anyway, may your weekend be far less eventual and embarrassing than my shopping excursion! 

And as we say here in Atlanta - 

Rise up! 

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